Tape and Cardboard
Some days are held together with tape and the structure of cardboard. Literally. I patch together a terrible day with a last stitch effort to do something right. Living with and raising two toddlers is no small order for a highly sensitive, introverted, creative type. Or anyone for that matter. Many days are spent navigating between two personalities, making me feel like a Im a slinky being stretched to its limits. I make effort to pull us back together only to have this day continue downhill. So instead of fighting it, I did the only thing I knew I could do, make something.
I will tell you this, if you want to make something but have grabby toddlers, you can’t use paint or anything sharp….tape. Colored tape to be specific. You can create a rainbow sculpture, a house, a boat etc. The possibilities are endless. For you and for your kids.
One good thing about moving is the availability of cardboard boxes. Once we ran out of those, we started hello fresh. Hello cardboard and upcycling!
I won’t try to tell you I did these project without help. I would set up the tv with a show, or do it during the babies nap. Somewhat disconnecting but I was doing it to survive. I had run out of tools, tricks and spoons and the last thing I have is my creativity. The act of making, feels like control and connection to my sense of self. I feel as though I am in my most safe space and if I can get to flow it feels downright spiritual.
I crave making and creating. I crave my solitude and space. I want to bathe in the spiritual everyday. I also yern to be a good mom. I have been utterly overwhelmed most days, stressed and my body hurts from trying to navigate all the needs of others. I used to drown in the everyday and some days I still struggle to paddle. I have learned the need for self care and filling my cup and I cannot be a good mom without it. My days do not look the same at other moms and I have to do things differently. But if my different, means my family and I are all happy, then different is my “right answer”.
So here comes the need for balance. Creativity in all aspects of life BUT they take on different forms.
Creative Mom role - Keep the creative mom throughout the day, opening my eyes to what is happening in my girls worlds. With presence, I can tune into what my girls needs most, creatively finding a solution to the problem. That does come with the caveat of not “fixing” all the problems and allowing them to start to solve their own. There is a balance within this method. It is more the observing part of being a creative rather than the act of creating. Observing and documenting what is actually happening. Life as is happens. The sketch is never finished. There is something poetic about that. These sketches are life in progress.
Creative Human - Carve out time for you. Self care is not just taking care of yourself, its taking care of your soul calling. Creating IS self-care.
Human Role - This is important for me to remember. No matter how much I want to create, if I need to sleep, eat, meditate….that comes first. Because even if I have a day of creating, I will be no good to my girls if I am not taking care of my human needs. Sometimes I get so emerged in the process of making I forget that I need to eat. If I am hitting a wall with creativity or momming, rest. Especially as a sensitive person, I need to make sure the levels I can manage, I do.
So what do I need to be fulfilled as a mom and a creative?
1. Consistent childcare
Add consistent care for BOTH girls, two days a week. I have the wheels in motion for this but there is a time restriction for when the second one can attend. So, in progress. In the mean time, I have my parents help. Thank goodness. I truly could not survive motherhood without my parents help. We need a village or tribe. Doesn’t have to be big. But you need one.
With consistent childcare and support, I can devote blocks of time to just creating for myself.
2. Simplify.
Who says I have to create a master piece everyday? I just have to make something when there was nothing, to fill my cup. A doodle would fit the need. And I know, once I start a doodle, more than that will flow from my pencil to delight me. What about play doh, chalk or kinetic sand? Art that is temporary is still creating. It is still using your hands. I can be creative WITH the girls, keeping in mind experimentation and observation is the name of the game and not a final product. The art coming from your children will delight you if you let them be free in the making.
Ive made the mistake of trying to control the art process with the kids and learn to create an organized chaos version. Where I know there will be a mess to clean up. But that, that is one of my favorite parts….the process. I can let go into their making, imagine what they are discovering. These are the best days, when I allow, and eventually inspired by my girls. Those little joys are mean to be documented and lived in.
I keep a sketchbook with me. I used to try to create more of my own art while the girls were playing, but that ended in me be frustrated and them being upset. So everywhere I go in the house, the sketchbook goes. I try to keep bigger ideas and thumbnail sketches in a journal to revisit when I have the time and ability to focus and create. It is becoming a documentation of their childhood in way, while keeping me sane.
Save the ideas. Breathe in and know they will be there when I can devote the time they deserve. Breathe out and I know I am giving the space back to my girls by doing this. They need me more in this day, in this moment, the art can wait. Write it down to to stay present.
Practicing presence. Practicing boundaries and staying true to who I am.
With Kindness,
Rae