Reimagining my motherhood from the ground up.
Cultivating care from the inside out + caring for my inner child.
In order to reimagine my motherhood, I needed to pull it apart. I needed to understand why I was having such a difficult time with having a second child and my motherhood in general. I needed to sit with myself in silence for hours and days to ask myself questions about my past and my extended familial past. I needed to understand my coping skills and what led to this way of living, rejecting and neglecting my self. Im still working to find myself in my motherhood because I never really understood who I was before I became a mother.
I followed the map of life that was given to me. We have all been given and adjusted to “ways of being” in some form from our parents and our surrounding cultures over the course of our lives, Growing up we were at the mercy of the awareness of those around us. After a two years of researching myself, it turns out, the map was never meant for me. And it is not meant for many of us. Truly.
In order to find the answers, I have followed my intuition and spirit guides and I spend a lot of time in silence and discourse with my soul. This has been the the most successful method of healing myself that has worked. Of my own creation. I have this time of silence and communication with myself by initially asking for the help, that only I knew I needed. I had to create my own support system and village, an environment where I feel safe. Where I feel loved by myself. One of the many flaws in our culture is the gross mistreatment of the mother and the family suffers. But that is a heated discussion for another time.
Starting from scratch -
I had to create the care I needed for myself. The care no one knew I needed. I didn’t know I needed until I met daily with my inner child.
Creative ways to tap into your inner child.
Buy a onesie!
2. Make a nest.
3. Return to the womb.
Creating a feeling of safety for yourself can help open your heart to hearing the calls deeply hidden.
In action tool to help you reconnect with your inner child.
I came up with a little acronym for to help with this type of self care. Let yourself P.L.A.Y.
Pause - Stop the program, stop the record player of repetitive patterns.
Look - Look around you, what would feel the best for YOU right now. Are you mindlessly going about your day on the program or are you present and self aware. Look, do you have what you need? Are you doing for others without respect to self? Is there another option? You have choices.
Allow - Allow yourself to make a choice, to have what you need. Allow yourself freedom to be you in any way you like. Read a book, go for a walk, Cuddle up with pillows, dance around, finger paint, move your body. Allow yourself to say “No to this and Yes to that”
YOU - This is the space where you can find you and who you were always meant to be.
The trick is hearing the initial knowing that you need to hit pause to begin with. That comes with practice and self awareness. Slowing the pace a bit.
When we stop we allow space for something different. By looking around us, we can see choices and options. Instead of reactions we observe the opportunities in front of us. Ones that are correct for us individually.
Truth is your simplest state between breaths. Pure awareness for the moving parts within and around you. Truth is the eternal moments of the universe. - from someone
The in-between can be scary. Restlessness and impatience and a hunger for the missing piece will send my body moving into action into “fix it” mode. But what exactly am I fixing? If I do not allow the clearing of energy and activities, I am acting from subconscious behaviors, not understanding why I am doing what I am doing. There is such a power in the pause. The stopping to look around you to gain your grounding in self, in the immediate, is an action of defiance, against your own subconscious conditioning. Allowing your inner child to breathe.
Let yourself breathe.
With Kindness,
Rae
My working Motherhood Agreement
I took the liberty of rewriting my motherhood contract. Although it was only subconscious before, my contract suffocated me. So I decided to rewrite it based on me, my nature and the health and wellness of my whole family.
I, Rae Delisle, agree to the following duties as a mother.
I will care for myself and my needs first. The care and ability to care well starts with me, the mom. Grounding meditation and spiritual practice is non negotiable.
I will use the village I have created to help in my journey so that I can give back to myself what is needed to feel aligned and center. The village is the only way to get a mother the care she needs.
I will love myself and practice radical self-care.
I will prioritize WHOLE FAMILY HEALTH AND WELLNESS.
I will listen to myself and my family with compassion. Listen to my inner guidance and intuition.
I will honor the boundaries of myself and each individual child for their specific needs.
I will provide a safe space to learn to be unapologetically yourself and to learn how to stand in your own knowing.
Clearly communicate the needs, boundaries as they are imperative to live a full authentic life.
I will teach my children-
To honor their nature
To ask for help when they need it
To never forget who they cam here to be so they are not burdened with the task of remembering.
My job as a mother is to hold space for life, the light and the dark. To no only support and hold my own hand and body through this but to hold my girls as they travel the turbulent experience that is living.
Signed, sealed and delivered to my soul.
I wish you all the space to be. To breathe into your whole self and feel free, even if just for a breath today.
With love,
Rae
Beautiful. It all starts with us. I'm not a mother but I can deeply relate to the need to take care of myself first before I give care to others. I've been thinking about this idea for awhile, getting stuck on this idea of needing to take care of my needs first as a selfish act because that's what we're told. We're told to take care of others, otherwise we're bad human beings. We're told to please each other even if it ends up being at the cost of our own needs. But the truth is that we can't show up as our wholehearted loving beings if we're not tended to our needs first. Thank you for your wisdom!