From Fight/Flight to Flow and Calm: How I took my mornings back.
Self-care, Mental Health and being a Mom. + ART
Ive said before in my posts that I used to wake up in panic. Let me explain a little deeper.
When I had my second baby, we moved states, during the beginning height of COVID, when she was only 8 weeks old. I literally was never able to fully settle with the one big change, a second baby. Then we moved, temporarily to my moms then to our new home. I was in fourth trimester hell with Josie, normal newborn baby stuff. I look back at that version of me and think “Geeez, and you think the move was the end? It is just the beginning.” And by the beginning, I mean I persisted to push through, ignoring every warning signal because I had no direct line to my self. I was being swept away daily by the needs and anticipated needs only to end up sore, angry, beyond exhausted, resentful and pushing over the line into depression and rage.
I crossed my boundaries and personal needs enough that the feeling bled into morning. Every morning with no nightly reprieve, I would be in fear, as my eyes open and my feet hit the floor. “How am I going to make it another day” “Maybe I’ll try this activity” Maybe I’ll just order more toys” “Why are they not happy?” “Why am I not happy?” I honestly had no idea how overstimulated, stressed, and traumatized I was. By the birth of my second, by the move, by the reality of caring for two individual children. I was ignorant and believed in fairy tale endings. This is/was real life.
It has been almost 2 years since I asked for help. Since I received support in the form of child care, a weekly therapist and lots and lots of daily writing, reading, body work and meditation on my end. It has taken almost that long to get to a point where I feel whole and in my body again. In reality, present and fully alive.
For the past 4 months I have settled into a new morning routine. Instead of sleeping until one of the kids wakes me, I wake before them. Ideally I get 45 mins of quiet, reflective time before they need to be up. I still wake up with feelings of bad dreams or old records in my head. I still wake with nervousness about the day. But there are more days now where I wake up with steady feet and a calm heart. I give a lot of credit to my morning rituals and routines. They clean the canvas for the day. Ground me in my self awareness within reality, within the day.
Morning Routine
1.Shower - Meditation as I wash
“Think kind thoughts”
“See love in all things”
“Walk in kindness and love”
2. ICE water shower
Turn water to as cold as it can get and submerge your body.
Stay at long as you can. Until you feel you heart and mind back
In the places they belong.
“I am here. I am whole”
3. Choose clothing to suit my state or desired state
Color has so much to do with how we feel. I am sensitive to everything so why not also choose my clothes based on how I feel or how I WANT to feel. I am really into neutrals and naturals and greens right now, go figure.
4. Medicate and Meditate.
10-20 minute mediation time. Guided or silent depending on the needs of the day.
5. Food and a little caffeine (but not too much) and breathe. Mindfully as possible.
Basic life sustaining needs are also needed for whole mothers.
The breath tools and check in’s with my senses happens throughout the day as needed. which is a lot.
6. Wake the girls as a balanced, grounded, loving and compassionate mom. Instead of the “mommy monsters” that thank goodness does not come out very often anymore. (But we all have our bad days)
When I complete my routine with sincere practice, I feel full of love for myself. Freeing me to give that love to my girls. Two years ago, I did not have that love within myself for myself. Now, I can greet my girls in the morning from a compassionate place instead of commanding. I cannot speak for the ENTIRE day, everyday, but the MORNINGS are much better.
Self-care is not an option. Ive seen and heard way too many stories about mothers who denied themselves for too long, only to end up sick in some way or lost by the time the kids leave. I am almost grateful for my depression and anxiety for not letting myself lose too many years. But I AM grateful for my courage to ask for help. Maybe it is something more moms should try? To stop acting like we have it all together and admit that the job description as mother should not be anything more or less than a whole human.
By denying ourselves, as mothers, the right to a full life, we are also denying our children the right to a full existence in their future. I want my girls to live as BIG or small as they like but I will make sure they are checking in with their senses as they go.
What do your self-care look like?
How about your morning or nightly routines to keep you sane?
Love,
Rae
Love this so much! Thanks for laying it all out there. It resonates hard with my experience. If l don’t get centered in the morning, the whole day will be off. Thanks for the brilliant illustrations too!